September 30th, 2010
Sitting in the van, we eagerly wait for the clock to strike 9, which commenced the opening of Zellers, which in Keyon’s mind, is the only true meaning to the word “shopping”.
Last night was Keyon’s award winning performance – his first B.M. on the potty. That’s right – the much anticipated event in the Hawkins house. It is talked about day after day - we pump up this event so much, it’s almost as good as Christmas! You see, that first little turd in the can is an event we celebrate. We shamelessly offer bribery of the biggest proportion…a (affordable) toy of your choice. Any (affordable) toy you could possibly want. Saturating them with every toy we can find on the internet, we show them every toy on the Toys’R’Us website and dangle it there with the possibility that this too could be your very own toy for the small price of one solitary marble sized poop in the toilet.
It all started with Kiefer’s refusal to evacuate himself in the proper porcelain receiver. We kept upping the anti until it finally ended at a “Hot Wheels Loopiy Loop” track – that glorious moment when he finally succeeded and we raced to Abbotsford in search of this particular toy! Lucky for us it happened before the anti became a computer!So when Keyon’s turn came around, we wasted no time at all in bombarding our child with every popular toy on the market, spending hours looking at toys in stores and on our computer.
So now, here we are, entering Zellers’ toy aisle. It must be stocking day, because there are about 15 carts and 7 flats of toys parked in all the aisles, blocking all access for easily viewability of the toys. I thought this would be an easy toy picking session, seeing as Keyon didn’t seem to have a particular toy on his mind…45 minutes later, I realized I was wrong. He had a toy he’d had his eye on…guess what it was! A “mushy grasshopper”. A What?!? Yes, a mushy grasshopper. At his insistence, it was at Zellers. He mentioned Toy Story at one point, which I dismissed because there’s no grasshopper there. I ask the 3 stocking clerks about a possible “mushy grasshopper” toy, who then pull out every mushy squishy toy available! But to no avail. This boy knows exactly what he wants.
After convincing him to check London Drugs and WalMart, we pick up Kiefer from school (after shopping for 2 hours!) and seek out the almighty Dad & Kiefer memory…a mushy grasshopper. They have no idea. I ask if there could possibly be one in Toy Story. 10 minutes later, they have a revelation. There IS an insect man in Toy Story 3! Success! There is hope! This amazing pooper shall have his dreamed of toy! We shall now search the aisles no longer in vain! This grasshopper has a name and his name is “Twitch” from Toy Story 3! Oh stores, do not let us down. My son has pooped and he has pooped well. Let us reward him! After naptime, it’s on with the Twitch search!
Nov 23rd UPDATE:
We did not find Twitch that day. Keyon finally settled for Buzz, as he didn’t want to wait a day to drive to Toys R Us. So the search for Twitch for Christmas was on. I found a tiny one left in Abbotsford, so I bought it. A month later, I found a bigger one in Langley, so I bought it too. This guy was hard to find! And oh joy of joys – I found the right one last week, in Shoppers Drugmart. The last one!!! So what if I had 3 by now, I had found the perfect and ever so scarce Twitch! A few days later, I saw five of them in one store. The only toys left. This past weekend in Walmart across the border, I found an entire shelf of him. Apparently, he’s not so scarce. No one wanted him. He was the only Toy Story 3 toy left. I call curses upon him now.
*The photo above is Twitch. This is the exact instant which made Keyon refer to him as a "mushy grasshopper". Something to do with Mrs. Potato Head squeezing Twitch's muscles.